Don’t Forget The Stuff We Never See

Last week, my aunt came over with my little cousins.  As most of you know, my house has two stories.  And, just like most little kids, my little cousin was completely fascinated by my stairs.  After several trips up and down the stairs, he asked if he could live with me.  Ya’ll know me by now, without hesitation, I started thinking of a way we could tell his loving mama that I was gonna be adopting him.  But then he said something that really stumped me for a minute.  He said, “I’m really jealous of you right now.”

Jealous of me?!!  This is something not one person who REALLY knows my story would ever say!  All he saw was my staircase to play on.  If he saw the whole story of how I got here in life, this poor kid would be anything but jealous!  He’s just a kid, and we can’t expect much more from him.  But I realized that there are times when us adults are jealous of what we see, when we don’t see the entire picture.

You see, he is looking at my life through innocent eyes.  He has no idea about the twenty years of hell with violence and instability my children and I endured day in and day out before we came here.  He sees a big house.  He doesn’t know about the times we didn’t have a home.  He thinks it’s cool we have a guest house.  He doesn’t remember when my entire family lived in someone else’s guest house and I slept on a couch next to the dining table for over a year so the kids could have their own rooms.

All too often, we act just like my little cousin.  We are blinded by the glitz and become envious without knowing the grime.  We see a fancy car; but don’t see the many hours that person spends away from their loved ones, missing out of special moments just to make the payments on a vehicle.  We see the glamorous pictures posted in far away places; but we don’t see the lonely hours spent away from their true love.

Nothing is as perfect as it seems from the outside.  We all have our own personal struggles.  Of course, it’s best to now air all your dirty laundry.  Not everyone needs to see it.  But, it is equally important to not forget it; even if we never see it.  Before we find our eyes green with envy, we need to make sure we look at everything through eyes filled with empathy for others’ struggles; and appreciate what we have, while being proud of what they’ve also accomplished.

I know that I am coming from a different place than most people can understand.  At the ripe old age of 38, I had to walk away from a home and career that I had spent 20 years of my life building.  I walked away with just 2 children, 1 cat, 1 dog, and a car full of clothes.  We had no towels, no beds, no pictures, no dishes, nothing.  So, as I began rebuilding everything back together, I learned to appreciate and hold on to every little thing I acquired.  This is probably why I am a little more sensitive to others’ struggles.  You see, every day, I would go to work (usually at 1 of 3 jobs), smile and laugh; without letting others know the struggles I was going through.  From the outside, I am sure people just thought, “Wow!  She’s a hustler!”  What they didn’t see was that I probably had $4 in my bank account, and needed to work all those jobs because I never received any child support or anything.  And, that’s okay.  Like I said, we don’t always have to share our dirty laundry.  But, we need to always assume that the perfectly-manicured woman we pass on the street, probably has a struggle in her heart too.  Let’s not be envious of the things she has acquired; instead, lets be sympathetic to the struggle she has hidden.

Jealous of me- how ironic that someone would dare be jealous of the girl with the craziest life ever possible!!  But, looking back at the life I had just a few years ago, I know that the girl I was back then, the one living hundreds of miles away from any friends or family, who never knew what she was going to come home to, who walked around on egg shells at all times, who cried herself to sleep most nights, or ran up and down the beach, everyday to avoid going home altogether, the girl who had no hope for the future, would be jealous of the girl I am now.  And that, my friends of the beauty of life-  the secret struggles make us who we are; and we always- always come out on the other end of the storm!!!

With the holidays around the corner, lets forget about the flashy things we see; and remember what we never see; lets put envy away and replace it with empathy.  Let’s remember that we never see the whole picture; and nothing is as perfect as it may seem.  Because nothing is as it seems; and chocolate makes everyday better; I’ve included a recipe for Millionaire Candy below.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL FROM THE COOL COUSIN WITH THE STAIRCASE!!!!

MILLIONAIRE CANDY (http://darcydiva.com/recipes-detail/millionaire-candy)

1 (14-ounce) package caramels

2 tablespoons evaporated milk or water

1 tsp. Vanilla Extract

1 tsp Almond Extract

2 cups Pecans (I don’t crush them up, I leave them whole)

1/2 bar paraffin

1 (12-ounce) package semi-sweet or milk chocolate Chips

Directions:

Butter waxed paper or foil-lined baking sheets. Set aside.

Melt caramels in milk over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add pecans. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto prepared baking sheets. Chill.

Melt paraffin and chocolate chips in small saucepan over low heat. Using a wooden pick, dip hardened candy pieces into chocolate and return to prepared baking sheet. Allow to dry at room temperature. Store in refrigerator, or in freezer.

Society’s Endangered Species

According to Wikipedia (who uses an encyclopedia these days), an endangered species is which has been categorized as very likely to become extinct in the near future.  The factors that are considered in being categorized as endangered include:  the number remaining, the overall increase or decrease in the population over time, breeding success rates, or known threats.  When a species is listed on the Endangered Species List, great lengths are taken to protect them.  Civic groups are formed, multi-million dollar businesses donate time and money, and laws are passed to support its conservation.  On the downside-when something is listed as endangered, the demand for it grows.  People will do anything to get their hands on it.  There is drama, there is frenzy- all because a species has been recognized as special and delicate.

Well, I feel that the time has come to form an Endangered Species List for Society as well.  I am only 45 years old, but I have noticed a dramatic decline in several social attributions, a dramatic drop in their popularity, no known active attempts in reviving them, with highly critical, vocal and political threats against them.  With these attributes’ decline, society has experienced a snowball effect of sorts that is effecting not only the current society, but will have a continual effect for generations to come.  I feel immediate action must be taken by all, from your local neighborhood to the mega giants of the business and political world!

“So, what should be listed on this perceived Endangered Species List for Society?” you ask.  Let me explain….

1.  Pride- There was once a time when a man would work in a field from daylight to dark, pick up trash off the street, and got as dirty as he had to in order to provide food and shelter for his family.  He never asked for a handout.  It was HIS family, HIS responsibility and he took great pride in providing for them.  A woman would get dressed and make sure she was presentable and acted in a way that reflected pride and dignity for her family.  No matter what a woman was going through emotionally or physically, she would hold her head high, back straight, shoulders back, and fought through.  Now days, it is common to see a man let a woman work multiple jobs to provide while he sits at home.  Anytime you go shopping, you can spot the woman, worn out and run down by life, still in her pajamas and house slippers, hair un-brushed, just going through the motions to get through the day.  We all have a time in our lives when we find ourselves down and out.  That is okay.  But it has become more acceptable to stay down, then to fight back.  Pride is no longer respected or even expected from each other.  If a woman dares to pull herself out of bed and make her face up and look her best when she’s going through something, she is deemed as “fake” or “bougie”.  A woman is the strongest of all species; we should be able to go through hell and still take pride in ourselves.  So, lets remind those that we see actively living down and out with no pride left that God didn’t make trash.  He created gifts; and they are still a gift, no matter what life has done to them.  Remind them to take pride in themselves; and wrap that gift up!  Remind them to stand tall and get back in the ring every day!

2.  Manners- When I was little, my mama always made me to “mind my manners.”  Look people in the eye when they are speaking to me.  I knew to always speak to anyone when they came into the room.  I knew to hold the door open for others.  And others knew to behave the same.  So many kids these days have no manners.  The line between the roles of adults and children have become to blurred in an attempt to instill a more mature nature in the younger generation.  Society wants to view the younger generation as “small adults” which has its benefits when building confidence; but the biological fact of the matter is that the brain is not fully developed until our 20s.  Therefore these “small adults” still need to be TAUGHT how to behave accordingly.  The foundation of becoming a functional adult member of society in both the work place and in social settings begins with manners.

3.  Compassion-  When I was little, if it were not for the compassion of Belzoni/Humphreys County, Mississippi, we would have never survived!  We were poor.  My mother was dying of a rare lung disease; and we had very little means to thrive.  But all the members of this area shared what they could to help get us through.  But we weren’t any different than anyone else.  Back then it was commonplace to help whoever needed it.  If you had anything to spare, you were expected to pay it forward.  Now we have become a “Me Generation”.  If it doesn’t effect ME, we don’t care.  If it doesn’t benefit ME, we don’t contribute.  While it is important to take care of yourself; it is equally important to also take care of your fellow brother/sister.  And we are all brothers and sisters.

4.  Humility-  In a time of Snapchat Streaks, Instagram Filters, and Facebook Selfies, everything has to be the best.  We get a trophy for joining the team, whether we ever attempt to get off the bench or not.  We have convinced ourselves that we are the greatest, because we have shiny things around the house on display and a thousand likes to say so.  The truth of the matter is this- there is always someone better, prettier, smarter and richer than we are.  There always has been and always will be.  We need to get over ourselves.  Everyone is special one day.  BUT no one is special everyday.

This is just the beginning of the list.  I think as we start to pay closer attention to ourselves, our own actions and change our perception of things, this list of Endangered Species of Society will grown.  It should grow.  And just as we take great measures to preserve the beautiful wildlife that on the verge of extinction; we should also take equal measures to preserve these beautiful attributes to society for its own betterment and preservation.

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    Don’t Throw Out The Cilantro

    The other day, I was going through my spice cabinet, looking for cinnamon. I knew I had it in there somewhere. I use it quite often; and had just bought some a few weeks ago. As I was searching for the cinnamon, I kept finding the oddest spices that I didn’t even remember buying- even cilantro- and I don’t even like cilantro!! I thought to myself, ‘Why the hell do I even have this in here? I should just throw it out.’ But I caught myself before I did.

    You see, with the little 1oz bottle in hand, I began to realize that even though this little bottle isn’t my “go-to” spice; and even though it may not be useful to me at this very moment, that this little bottle holds a lot of value (and not just the $2.99 I paid for it). This little spice is just as valuable as the cinnamon. It is even just as valuable as Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning!!! I know, I know, if you’ve ever eaten anything I cook, you know how much I value my Tony’s. I put it on EVERYTHING!! But, this bottle of cilantro is just as valuable, in it’s own right. For the life of me, the guilt of not realizing its true worth; and not allowing use of it in more recipes that call for cilantro really got to me. I need to branch out more in the culinary sense. I just couldn’t throw it out.

    If you think about it, we often treat people like cilantro. Because we don’t have a day-to-day interaction with them; or because we don’t really understand their worth, we will easily just throw them out, discard them. Life is a lot easier when your circle is small and everyone in it looks and thinks and acts the same. It is a safe feeling when you have the same tried-and-true friends that go with everything you do- like that handy bottle of Tony’s. Yeah, it’s great alright; but it’s also a beautiful thing when you can see the value of the other spices of life too.

    This world is one big gumbo of humanity. Each person adds something to the pot. Each one alone is not necessarily appreciated; but without it in the mix, life just isn’t quite the same. We need the wild and crazy people in our lives to keep things spicy. We need the sensitive ones to remind us to be compassionate. We need the conservatives to keep us grounded. We need the liberals to give us hope and innovation. We need the artists to remind us of the beauty that surrounds us. We need the accountants to keep us in check. Each race, religion and sexuality should be appreciated for what it brings to the world; even if they don’t serve a purpose in our day-to-day life. The Jewish family traditions are so beautiful and touching. The Catholic ceremonies can touch your soul. A Baptist church choir can move mountains and the coldest of hearts. And no one can tell a story better than our own Presbyterian preacher, Bro. Wiman.

    If it weren’t for the Hispanic Americans that immigrated here, seeking a better life, we would never have Cinco de Mayo or Taco Tuesday. The British invasion gave us the Beatles. I had the distinct pleasure of being mentored by a Japanese American for almost ten years; and the culture, quiet strength and work ethic she shared with me will always have a great value in my heart. The triumph and continual endeavor of the African American community should inspire every walk of life. The LGBT community’s tenacious spirit for love and equality can bring a spark to any soul. Each and every one of these things can and SHOULD be appreciated by ALL walks of life and never be discarded.

    In nature, a cat and dog hate one another. Outside my household, that rings true for both my cat and my dogs. My dogs will bark and chase other cats; and my cat will run from other dogs. But within these walls, they have all learned to love and appreciate each other as brothers and sister. When Teddy (my transgender dog- that’s another story for another time) sees Nala (my cat); she sees her brother. She doesn’t see him as being different from her. When Nala sees Jasper (my lab) he sees his brother. As humans, we all live under the same heavens/the same roof. We should also see one another as brother and sister, appreciate one another for what we bring to the pot, and not be so quick to throw out the Cilantro!

    Because he is one of my favorite souls; and because a dear friend wanted a good recipe for Southern Mac ‘N Cheese, I am sharing John Legend’s Mac ‘N Cheese Recipe below. (Sorry cilantro…. still not using you today; but you’re still safe in the spice cabinet).

    Ingredients:

    • 1/2 Stick Unsalted butter
    • Salt/Pepper to taste
    • 3 Cups elbow macaroni
    • 2 (12oz) cans evaporated milk
    • 1/3 cup skim milk
    • 2 large eggs
    • 1/2 teaspoon season salt
    • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
    • 2 (8oz) pkgs grated extra-sharp cheese
    • 1 (8oz) pkg grated Monterey jack cheese
    • paprika to sprinkle
    • Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Generously butter a 13-by-9-inch glass baking dish; set aside. Bring a large pot of water to a boil; add salt and macaroni. Cook until al dente according to package directions. Drain, and return to pot. Add butter, and toss until pasta is coated and butter has melted; set aside.
    • Step 2 In a medium bowl, whisk together evaporated milk, skim milk, and eggs. Add seasoned salt, garlic powder, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper; set aside. In another medium bowl, combine cheeses; set aside.
    • Step 3 Place 1/3 macaroni in an even layer in the bottom of prepared baking dish; cover evenly with 1/3 cheese. Repeat with remaining macaroni and cheese mixture. Pour milk mixture evenly over contents of baking dish. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake until top layer is lightly browned, 35 to 45 minutes. Let stand 10 to 15 minutes before serving.

    Finding Your Passion

    When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with the Cookie Monster. OBSESSED!!! So, when Cookie Monster and the rest of the Sesame Street gang came to Jackson, my mama made certain I got to go. I was so excited the entire ride there. I was so passionate about meeting him. So, when I finally came face to face with him, I was terrified, ran for my life, and nothing could make me go back. The passion was gone. But isn’t that how it always is with kids?

    Every time I see one of Presley Steed’s cookie collections, I am reminded of the Cookie Monster. She’s kinda a local legend in the cookie world. Cookies are her passion. It’s is human nature to search for a personal passion in something. We long to attach ourselves to something or an activity that brings us happiness. I love to write. It’s my passion. With each literary piece, I pick apart every sentence, analyze the tone, find every error and promise myself I’ll be better. It is our passion that makes us happy; yet it is also the passion that can torment you.

    I sometimes become so frustrated with my craft, my passion, that I want to throw my hands in the air, walk away from the keyboard and find something else to do. I do this about once a week, almost after every blog. But nothing ever pans out for me. I am a helpless suffering writer. I will probably never be rich from it. I most certainly will never be famous from it. But, still, it is my passion. It is my greatest source of happiness outside my family. So, here I am, sitting and typing away on this blog.

    Speaking with Presley about her cookies; and the long hours she puts in every week on them, I can see the flame of her passion burning bright. Sure, they are more work than she ever anticipated. But four years ago, while celebrating the birth of her baby girl, her passion was also born. So, for the rest of her life, those cookies will be there, exciting her, calling her and tormenting her. She will scour over each decorative detail. She will over-analyze each flaw. She may even get frustrated and try to branch off on to something else. But nothing will fulfill her like the passion she has for cookies.

    This lifetime doesn’t last very long. But when you have nothing that excites you, it can seem like an eternity. The yearning for exhilaration and accomplishment is what continually drives us to experiment and educate ourselves. It is what molds us as maturing adults. Without the passion, we have no real sense of success. I am sure there are days when Tami Hawkins (our local watercolor wander) throws the paintbrush down, vowing to never pick it up again. But, still, she does because life without passion is life without color. Jonathan McGuire (our local wood craftsman) probably slings the saw down with each project. But, he will always pick it back up, carving out his niche in life.

    So, does passion equal riches. Why, yes it does. It doesn’t necessarily bring about the monetary riches this world seems to measure everything by. But the feeling you get when someone is touched by something you are passionate about is immeasurable. One’s passion for something has given the world Apple Computers, life-saving organ transplants, the Sistine Chapel, and the ’68 Shelby Mustang GT. Tami’s passion has captured small moments in time and made them beautiful works of art. Presley’s passion has given brought smiles to hundreds of brides, birthday boys and expectant mothers all around. Whether deemed big or small, rich or poor, it is the passionate flint living within each person that ignited such a significant flame.

    Must we sometimes work “normal” jobs to provide for ourselves? Yes. Life isn’t fair. But, we must always take the time to cultivate the passion that dwells within us. We must remember that it is the passion within us that separates us from the others. It is our signature card. And it is what will be branded into the path we take through this life.

    In honor of my friend Presley; and my long-lost passion for the Cookie Monster, I am including a simple cookie recipe that my mama used to make for me. She called them Cocoon Cookies, but they’re also called Italian Wedding Cookies.

    Ingredients

    • 1 1/2 cups unsalted butter
    • 3/4 cup confectioners’ sugar
    • 3/4 teaspoon salt
    • 1 1/2 cups finely ground almonds or pecans
    • 4 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
    • 3 cups sifted all-purpose flour
    • 1/3 cup confectioners’ sugar for rolling

    Directions

    1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
    2. Cream butter or margarine in a bowl, gradually add confectioners’ sugar and salt. Beat until light and fluffy. Add almonds and vanilla. Blend in flour gradually and mix well.
    3. Shape into balls (or crescents) using about 1 teaspoon for each cookie. Place on ungreased cookie sheets, and bake for 15-20 min. Do not brown. Cool slightly, then roll in the extra confectioners’ sugar.

    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2020 Allrecipes.com
    Printed From Allrecipes.com 2/6/2020

    Allrecipes


    Bromances and Desserts

    Straight guys are weird and complicated creatures.  I know this is not the standard opinion of today’s mainstream society; but if you really think about it, it’s true.  Women are natural nurturers.  We are born to have empathy for others and have an instinctual need to take care of others.  We are emotionally expressive.  If we are sad it’s easier for us to cry.  If we are happy, we shout t from the rooftops.  And if we are upset, well, you BEST watch your back!  That is why it is easier for us to make long-lasting close friendships.  Once we form a sisterhood of other women who understand our emotional needs, we hold to them tightly and take care of one another in every aspect.

    For a straight guy, it’s frowned upon to be so expressive.  If they show sadness, they are deemed weak.  If they are too happy, they are clowns.  And if they have an emotional outburst they are looked at as a stereotypical jerk!  This is why believe most straight guys are unequipped to form bonds and friendships that extend beyond locker room talk.  They can’t open up!  They don’t feel safe enough to do so without judgment.  That s why it is so special to see a bromance blooming!

    For those that aren’t aware a bromance is a special brotherhood formed between two straight men.  Those in a bromance share each other’s deep dark secrets, talk to one another like they would a brother; and have an unabashedly sense of loyalty to one another.  It’s rare, but it is beautiful.  And I have had the distinct pleasure to witness two bromances first hand.

    When we first moved here our children knew no one.  I wasn’t worried about Jane Abner.  She was the kid that would invite herself in for dinner or a tour of your home while Trick-Or-Treating!  That girl has never met a stranger or intimidated by anyone.   She will be a great politician one day, or the Queen Bee on Cell Block 6- whichever path she chooses to take.  My son, Walker, was the one I was worried about.  Until recently, he hated to meet new people.  Hated it!  And his conversations within anyone outside of immediate family consisted of quick, one-worded answers.  So when I uprooted us and moved almost 300 miles away, I prayed hard to God to please send Walker some good friends.

    As a concerned mother, I was so relieved when God answered my prayer with Brad Childs.  This kid had no idea the chaos and dysfunction he was getting himself into; but he stayed committed and has formed a bromance with my son that warms the heart of everyone who gets to see it.  Those two kids have an unwavering trust between each other, and remain furiously loyal to one another through all that life throws their way.  Sometimes they are the good influence on the other.   Sometimes they are the bad influence.  But as long as those two are together, I know they’ll get one another through this roller coaster of life just fine and continue to be there when school dances turn into first dances at weddings and Saturday night parties will become Friday football games with their own kids.

    The other bromance that I love so much is that between my husband and his best friend Joey.  These men are grown with children and jobs of their own.  But the romance is still going strong.  Rarely does a day go by without them checking in with one another.  And they drop everything to answer a call for help from the other.  They are so intertwined that when we became engaged, the person most people were concerned about adjusting to our new blended family was Joey!  He and David had lived together for so long, that it was hard to imagine them living separately.  Honestly, I kinda expected David to split his time between the two households.  I may be the love of David’s life; but I think deep-down, Joey is his soul mate.  They share secrets I never want to know about.  And can almost speak a language of their own, built on years and years of shared memories.  It really is a beautiful friendship.  That is why I felt I had to get Joey’s final okay before we proceeded down the wedding aisle.  I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I felt our marriage was breaking up such a bromance.

    Another sweet bromance I recently heard about was one between Artie Cobb and Buddy Mohammed. Though they were grade-school friends the real bromance between the two didn’t blossom until they found themselves owning businesses across the street from one another.  Soon morning cups of coffee together grew into trip adventures and eventually a full-blown bromance.  Still mourning the loss of one of his closest friends years after his death, Buddy submitted one of Artie’s favorite desserts to the “Share Cropper” cookbook in his memory.  Who knows the memories those two old men shared over coffee in the morning and an occasional toddie at night?  And we will never know, for one never breaks the code of the bromance!

    “I love you, man” is usually followed by a drunken jab to the arm, without the least bit of sentiment among straight guys.  But if the bromance is real, then no words have to be spoken.  As women, instead of building up the “Goliath” persona in our men, we should allow them to be just as open and honest about the relationships they need too.  It’s all good, man.  You can even get in your pajamas and eat a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream if you want.  BUT you best get your own; and stay the heck away from mine!  Better yet- try some of Artie’s Delight.  It obviously brought a smile to his and Buddy’s faces.  So here’s to bromances, young and old.  May the two kids that paint the town red together grow up to be the old men that eat desserts and reminisce about the good times.

    ARTIE’S DELIGHT

    1 (6 1/4 oz) package of miniature white marshmallows

    1 (16 oz) box pound cake mix prepared according to package directions

    1 pint strawberries (fresh or frozen)

    Spread one layer of marshmallows in glass casserole dish.  Pour pound cake mixture over marshmallows.  Spread strawberries over cake mixture.  Follow baking instructions on box for cake.  When done, the marshmallows and strawberries will trade places.

    #MeToo or Not

    I am a Bad B!  I’m a queen, a fighter, a survivor and a hustler.  No, really, I am all those things.  You can’t accomplish all I have without being those things.  For those of you who don’t know my story, it’s been a long and rough one.  But I won’t bore you with all the details.  Long story short, I packed up my two children, took what could fit in the car, and walked away from our home, my career and everything I had worked for, leaving a toxic relationship; and started over with nothing, back in my beloved hometown of Belzoni.  So, yeah… it’s appropriate to call me a basic bad a**.  I actually take a lot of pride in my self-sufficiency and resilience.  But herein lies a whole new set of problems.

    We are in the post “Me Too Movement” world now.  And if anyone can claim “Me Too”, it is me!  And I do so whole-heartedly.  But, I also love me some Slingshot, who takes a lot of pride in providing for his family.  So, there is always the push and pull of boundaries and roles in our relationship.  As with most men, he loves to provide for his loved ones.  And as a strong, independent woman who thrives on hustling for my own, I take offense in someone trying to sweep in and save the day.  Pride can be beautiful, but chivalry is too.  Finding the perfect balance between the two can be a struggle. This isn’t just a problem for me.  This is a problem for all women everywhere now.  And now is just a good time as any to address it.  And why not on a random recipe blog, right?  As I said in my first blog, the love for food is transcending and uniting; and I think all problems should be discussed over a good meal.

    Everyone has a different perspective and opinion on this specific subject matter.  That’s great.  But, I think for me personally, learning to whole-heartedly trust in someone and a relationship is the biggest hurdle myself and most women face today. There are thousands of stay-home moms and wives who put their livelihood in the hands of their spouse.  There has to be some unexplainable freedom in fully surrendering to the love someone has for you.  And to do so, takes more bravery than I have ever had.  For me, the anxiety of not having some kind of hustle keeps me up at night.  My husband works on the road five to six days/nights a week to provide so I won’t have to hustle.  In his mind, he’s showing his love for us.  In my mind, through the scar tissue of a damaged heart, I see my independence and pride being stripped away.  The traditional family unit is the real casualty of this war of worlds between a modern day woman and the conventional role of the spouse. I realize that, at some point, portions of the wall will have to be torn down, and new boundaries set, because the family unit we have created is far more special than any of my other accomplishments.  As I said, this is my personal perspective, but I can’t help but feel like there are many other women out there struggling with the same hang-ups (marrying for love and maintaining some pride and independence).

    Sunday dinner is my weekly gift to my family.  I try to cater to each person in some way, whether it be with their favorite dessert treat, or favorite meals.  Usually, my husband’s special request is Buffalo Chicken Sliders.  Unfortunately, today he had to leave early for work and missed Sunday dinner.  As he was pulling off, his sacrifice for his family pierced my tough, scarred up heart, and I couldn’t help but shed a tear.  In this day and age, it’s hard to find a true love.  And while you should be proud to be a survivor, you shouldn’t allow that pride to take away from that true love.  And, by gosh, if someone wants to foot the bill every once in a while, just let them!  Hell, if you’re feeling really generous, allow them to “man-splain” something too! Don’t let chivalry die because a small percentage of men lacked it in the past.

    So, this week, in honor of sweet spouses every where that have to deal with us stubborn, proud, beautiful women, I am sharing the quick and easy Buffalo Chicken Sliders recipe that Slingshot loves to eat by the dozen.  This recipe is perfect for football parties too!

                                                             Buffalo Chicken Sliders

    1 chicken (boiled and shredded and seasoned with salt, pepper and Cajun seasoning)

    1 Ranch dressing seasoning pack

    Provolone Cheese slices

    Buffalo Wing sauce (as desired)

    Hawaiian rolls

    Butter Sauce (1 stick of salted butter, melted and seasoned with Italian seasoning, and garlic salt)

    Mix shredded chicken with Ranch dressing seasoning and Buffalo Wing sauce. Cut tops off rolls.  Top with seasoned chicken and provolone cheese slices.  Put tops on rolls and brush generously with butter sauce.  Bake at 350 degrees until cheese is melted and rolls toasted.

    Mimi and Meat Pies

    My house is magical!  I know everyone feels the  same about their own homes.  After all, home is where the heart is, right?  But I am serious.  My house really is magical! It’s not the size or décor (certainly not MY Wal Mart and Home Depot Clearance Rack Décor). My house is magical because of the feeling it emits.  And, yes, before you call me crazy, I just said my house emits a feeling.  But it really does.  From the first time we walked into the house, we got a feeling like this was not just a house; but this was a home.  You could almost hear the echoes of children laughing and running in the sun room.  Slingshot (my husband) and I had just gotten married, and our niece had just moved in.  In just a blink of an eye, we went from a family of three to this huge familial mass of chaos with three kids, two adults, two dogs, a cat, tons of friends staying over and Slingshot’s massive firearms collection!! We needed the room!  This house fell in our laps, and we immediately felt like this could be our home!  As soon as we moved in, I realized why this house felt the way it did.  This house was a home because of Mimi.  

    You see, the Mohamed family lived here and Mimi (as she was lovingly called) was the woman of the house.  I did not know her, but everyone that did loves to share stories with me about her and about life at “The Mohamed House”.  From living in the home she made for her family, I’ve learned that she loved to cook (my kitchen is huge), and loved to garden (I’ve inherited an array of beautiful flowers and shrubs and have found the most precious garden happies while weeding); and that’s about all I knew of her.  That’s why I invited Sarah Goldberg over to visit and tell me about her sweet mother; and share one of her famous recipes!  

    As it turns out, Mimi wasn’t just the sweet Southern lady that everyone knew.  Annelle Mohamed was a bit of a revolutionist, even if she didn’t realize it!  Ollie Mohamed was full-blooded Lebanese.  His own father had run away from home in Lebanon and arrived to the great promise land of the United States by Ellis Island among the thousands of immigrants that came looking for a better life.  He worked his way down south and settled in Belzoni, Mississippi.  Young Ollie was farming one summer when he met the woman that would change his life.  There is an ancient Chinese proverb that goes: “When the wind of change blows, some people build walls, others build windmills.”  Well, when the wind blew on this particular day, it blew up the skirt of a young Annelle, the new Youth Director of the  First Baptist Church who had just moved to Belzoni and Ollie knew then he had to make this woman his wife!  With the help of his neighbor, Mimi Bridges, they were formally introduced and their love story began!  Not a big deal now, but think of how brave it must have been for a young, conservative Christian girl to marry into an immigrant family from Lebanon.  The wind of change that blew on that particular day broke down a couple walls and changed the course of time for not just two young lovebirds; but a whole community.  These two crazy kids started one of the most prominent and influential families in this little Delta town.  


    Annelle became the second Mimi, and totally embraced married life and her husband’s culture.  Over the years, she raised six children, ran a business and made the house on Oak Street a home while Ollie Mohamed led a successful business and political career.  With stretches of days and even weeks of him being away, it was up to Mimi to make this a home for her family.  And apparently she was the best at it!  Everyone in town has a Mimi memory  and everyone who knew her loved her and her cooking!  Their life had a few rules (dates only on Saturday nights and no out-of-town boyfriends), a few hours of work at the store after school, and lots of food!  LOTS OF FOOD!!  As Sarah stressed it, “Most people gain weight their first year of college.  I LOST weight!  My mother always had food!  When we got down to two slices of cake, she always baked another!”  


    This was their life.  Annelle would get dressed up and stand by Ollie at inauguration ceremonies and balls.  And when he was home, he would sit on the window bench in the kitchen and watch as she flourished as a wife and mother.  They watched each other grow and succeed and find their true selves; always side by side.  

    Holidays and special occasions always had both traditional American and Lebanese cuisines.  With dishes filling the counter space around the kitchen, all the girls/women would line up “buffet style” first and make their plates.  And Mimi always made her beloved husband’s plate for him.  That was who she was; those people were her life; and she relished every second of it!  One traditional dish that still reigns today is Mimi’s Lebanese Meat Pies.  These little delicacies are not only simple to make, they are delicious.  And a little bit goes a long way!  I’ve included the recipe below with some of my favorite photos of Mimi that her sweet babies have shared.  


    Mimi- thank you for the recipes; and thank you for making such a wonderful home for your own family and now my own!  I didn’t know you; but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you through the love you showed this home while raising your babies and grandbabies.  I will continue the tradition!  And the kids enjoyed their meat pies for dinner!  


    Sarah Goldberg- thank you for believing that we were the perfect family for your family home; and thank you for sharing your memories!

    Summertime Sadness

    So summertime is here!  Watching Jane and her friends hang out takes me back to the good old days of riding the back roads with my “sisters” Eden and Vickey.  Jane may not realize it; but the friendships she has now will be her source of strength when real life hits her.  I am sure of this because I can see the love they have for one another is the same that the three of us had!  That kind of love is a rare find; and cannot be broken.  That kind of love is a bologna sandwich brought to you after a horrible day!

    Vickey, Eden and I use to get ourselves in some pretty crazy situations.  But, between the three of us, we managed to get out of them alive.  A sisterhood is like a well-oiled machine.  Each part is different and cannot operate alone; but together, if they fit just right, the parts become one.  And it is beautiful!  So, you are probably thinking, ‘What the heck does a bologna sandwich have to do with any of this?’.

    You see, as I explained, a sisterhood must consists of separate parts that fit perfectly together.  Our sisterhood consisted of a wild one (me), a somewhat shy one (Eden) and a mother figure (Vickey).  I would drag us into the biggest messes, pulling Eden by the arm the whole time because she always wanted to go home.  Vickey was always along for the ride; but mainly because she knew someone would have to take care of us by the end of the night.  That was our sisterhood.  It wasn’t always neat.  It could be very messy at times, but it was the most beautiful relationship a teenage girl could have.

    Now, back to the bologna sandwich………

    One day, we set out on one of our adventures.  I can’t quite recall where we were going, but I assume a boy was involved and we were not supposed to be going.  I can assume that because that was a standard scenario for most of our adventures.  Eden had the best car by far (thanks to Tommy and Sedgene), but this particular day we took Vickey’s car. Needless to say, we broke down!  It took us FOREVER to get back to Belzoni.  Remember, this is before smart phones and social media.  We had to sit on the side of the road for a bit, then walk to a house and call for help.  Then we had to walk back to the car and wait…… and wait…. and wait.  By the time we made it back to town, it was time for me to go to work.  I was hot, tired, irritable and starving. But, Vickey was stuck without a car and needed one more than me.  So, as any sister would do, I gave her the keys and had her just drop me off at work.  And, a little bit later, as any sister would do, Vickey brought me a bologna sandwich with a piece of lettuce and a dollop of mustard!  It was perfect!

    I ate that bologna sandwich over twenty years ago; but I still remember it like it was yesterday.  We’ve since lost Eden, and Vickey and I have both moved all over.  But we are still that well-oiled machine.  Time, distance, even death cannot break the bond we have.  And, whenever I feel broken and don’t think I can do it alone; I remember that really hot, crappy summer day and that bologna sandwich.  Then I remember that I am a little broken part alone; but I am also a part of a perfectly fitted machine.

    The other night, my doorbell rang.  Jane answered it and sweet little Tori Byars was standing there with a coffee.  She gave Jane the coffee and a hug; and left.  She had someone bring her over here just to give Jane a little bit of happiness.  This little token of love brought a tear to my eye and made me think of Vickey bringing me that bologna sandwich.  I realized that these girls fit perfectly together.  They get each other in messes; and lift each other up too.  And, it warms my heart more than this damn Delta heat to know that twenty years from now; she will be reminiscing about her “girls” like I often reminiscence about my two.

    Eden- keep making us look good up there ’cause I am kind of banking on your connections to get me through the pearly gates.

    Vickey- thanks for that sandwich and you know my kitchen is always open for you and your boys.

    The Kids With The Dirty Clothes

    We can spot them anywhere in the US.  Their hair may be unkempt.  They may be in the back of the class, dozing off, completely distracted from school.  Other times, they are wandering up and down the streets in town aimlessly and unsupervised, even when maybe they’re supposed to be in school.  Most have a distinct bulge coming from the feet being too big for the small, beat-up shoes they are wearing.  Some may have a couple holes in their shirts.  These are the kids with the dirty clothes. 

    We see them.  We may notice their imperfections.  We may even give them a thought.  But we don’t look at them….. not REALLY look at them.  We live in a world of Instagram Filters, so we don’t want to take too much notice of the ugliness in the world.  But, if we did take the time to really look at these kids; we would see the real problem with these kids. 

    These kids are sleeping in class because it is hard to get a good night’s sleep when there is no heat; or you are sharing a twin bed with your brothers and sisters.  These kids are roaming the streets because there’s is nothing to entertain them at home; or they’re too embarrassed to invite their friends over.  They may get a new pair of shoes at the start of the school year; but there will be no replacements until the next Fall.  Hand-me-downs are standard; and if they are lucky- there won’t be too many holes.  And throwing a load of laundry on takes lots of consideration when there is limited water. 

    Statistics show that there are 50 million people in the United States living below the poverty level.  About 15 million of these people are children.  Research shows that poverty is the single greatest threat to children’s well being.  Its affects spread into every facet of becoming a functional member of society, from education to mental health.  Mississippi had the highest poverty rate of the nation for 2019. So, these children are our children. 

    It is easy to put this on someone else’s shoulders. ‘Maybe the kids’ parents should do better. Maybe they should get a job. Maybe they should be better parents.’ We can blame the parents and, in some cases, we wouldn’t be wrong. Let’s face it- in EVERY walk of life, there are some real garbage parents out there. The only difference is that, when a child is living in poverty, there are 10x as many disadvantages already stacked up against him. They say it takes a village to raise a child. When that child is born deep down in a hole and has all the cards stacked against him. The village has to take steps to pull them out of the hole. This should be the first step.

    These kids don’t need a new Nintendo. They don’t need the latest Jordans. These kids need consistency and stability. They need a sense of pride in themselves, despite the circumstances they were born into. It is only through consistency, stability and pride that they will develop into thriving members of society. The lack of these foundational assets of life is the reason we are seeing this ongoing cycle in our community today.

    So, the question is this: If the children of our community cannot build upon a foundation at home, how will we as a society start to SEE these children and help them build a stable foundation to grow elsewhere? I’ve preached to my own children that it doesn’t matter what the outside world does or takes from you. And it doesn’t matter how much help you receive along the way. Ultimately, the level of success you achieve depends on what’s inside of you. There has to be a sense of self-worth, a desperate drive for success; and a sense of dignity within each person for them to become a contributing member of society.

    The possibility and the hope is there. There are countless people who have overcome childhood poverty and gone on to become some of the most successful people in the nation. Somewhere, at some point in time, for these once impoverished children, someone REALLY saw them and acknowledged their worth. As we walk around this town, with its neglected buildings and houses, and we gripe about the lack of business opportunities and the lack pride in our community, let us take a moment to stop and really see the children also being neglected and their own lack of pride within themselves. For, if these children are not seen now, we will be griping about them in the future. The current state of our community is proof.

    Do I have all the solutions to help these children? Heck no!!! But when I am faced with a problem, I try to find a solution. So, I guess that is what today’s blog is about. Who has a suggestion on how we can really see our community’s children and instill in them the self-worth that every one of God’s children is entitled to?

    If you are reading this and have a suggestion- please comment. If you are reading this and have no idea what we can do about it- please share this blog. We are the village. These are our children. This is our community’s future. We can point fingers. We can get angry with the system. We can get angry with each other. But none of these things will improve the situation.

    And because I always find comfort in food. And because everyone is entitled to a good meal without breaking the bank. And in sticking with my blog’s format. And because it is SO GOOD… I’ve found a recipe for this week that everyone can enjoy for cheap!!!

    POOR MAN’S BURRITO BOWLS (www.budgetbytes.com)

    Ingredients

    • 2 cups uncooked long grain white rice ($1.32)
    • 1/2 tsp salt ($0.02)
    • 2 15 oz. cans black beans ($0.98)
    • 1/2 tsp cumin ($0.05)
    • 1/4 tsp garlic powder ($0.02)
    • 1 16 oz. jar salsa ($2.37)
    • 6 oz. shredded cheese* ($1.27)
    • 1 bunch green onions ($0.89)
    • 1 jalapeño (optional) ($0.15)

    Instructions

    • Add the rice, salt, and 3 cups water to a medium sauce pot. Place a lid on top, turn the heat on to high, and allow the water to come up to a full boil. Once boiling, turn the heat down to low and let it continue to simmer for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, turn the heat off and let it sit, with the lid in place, for an additional five minutes. Fluff just before serving.
    • While the rice is cooking, make the beans. Add both cans of black beans (undrained) to a small sauce pot, along with the cumin, and garlic powder. Heat over medium, stirring often, until heated through.
    • Slice the green onions and jalapeño (if using).
    • Once the rice is cooked, build the bowls. Add one cup cooked rice, 1/2 cup warm black beans, 1/3 cup salsa, and 1 oz. shredded cheese (about 1/4 cup) to each bowl. Top with a few sliced green onions and jalapeños, then serve.

    Love Is Weird

    Statistics show that we will meet an average of 10,000 people in our lifetime. Of these people, 84 percent will practice a specific faith. 72 percent will be identified as white. Less than 10 percent will be LGBT. It can be assumed 90 percent of these people are not serial killers. Some of these people will have a quiet nature about them. Some of them (like my husband) will come through a room like the Kool Aid Man bursting through the wall. Some of these people will have brown eyes; while others have blue or green. Some of these people will be creative and free-spirited. Some of these people will be intellectuals. All of these people will be beautiful in their own right. But, one day, we just look at one of these people and think, “I love you.” What is it about this person that made you decide to love? How love actually works is a mystery that men of all walks of life have tackled since the beginning of time.

    Now I didn’t know this; but apparently there are four specific types of love. You can have an empathetic love for someone. This is developed through a shared circumstance. Tragedy has a way of bringing us together as the survival instincts kick in. Of course there’s the God love- the unconditional love that only a parent could possibly understand. Then you have a friendship bond like the one I share and treasure with Vickey. We met as babies; have shared secrets and sins, happiness and tragedy; and nothing will ever break our bond. And then there’s the complicated love. The romantic love. The love that will drive you to drink. The love that will break your heart. The love that we all crave. And it is this love that just jumps out of nowhere. We just meet one of the 10,000 people we are destined to meet; and there it is, our missing puzzle piece; sitting among 10,000 other pieces. And it’s a perfect fit.

    I should’ve never gone out with my husband. I had just gotten out of a 20-year toxic relationship. I was traumatized. I was deathly insecure. I was, for lack of better words, shook. But I had known him forever; spotted him on the side of the highway; and decided to stop and say “hi”. He was not for me. He was wild and unpredictable. He was a confirmed bachelor; and he had no idea of the craziness he was about to encounter. But, there it was- my little missing puzzle piece. And, before I knew it; I invited him over for a movie and drink.

    I have met lots of people in this world. Some are gay. Some are shy. Some are rich. Some are poor. Most are crazy because crazy attracts crazy. And I had known David all his life. But on that day, at that point in my life, no one else I had met in this world was the fit. And even though he wasn’t a fit in the past; on that specific day Slingshot was the perfect fit. Strange how that works.

    If you write down our attributes on a piece of paper, we were never supposed to work. He had zero responsibilities; and loved it that way. I was trying to rebuild my entire life with two children, a cat and a dog in tow. But when we were together, it was a perfect fit; and has been that way ever since. That’s usually the way it works with love. It’s an emotion, it’s not physical. Therefore it cannot be planned or contrived. It just happens; and it’s usually beyond our control. We can fight it if we want. But love usually wins in the end.

    Love is powerful. More powerful than any emotion. I can only imagine that God gave man this emotion because He wanted us to have some idea of how He felt for us. Because love is not something that you can touch or see; he had to give us the emotion so we could experience it ourselves. Unfortunately, as times have become more strained and complicated; in an attempt to better our world; and jump on the revolution bandwagon, we’ve repressed any human emotion that can be perceived as weak. Love being the biggest victim. If everyone would just realize that love is more powerful than hate- then we could have a true revolution together as one. But it seems like love has lost its popularity.

    In this day and age, we want a direct and immediate answer for everything. We don’t appreciate the unknown; we only crave instant gratification. But my aunt has told me numerous times that the heart is as deep and as mysterious as the sea. It is in the heart where love dwells. And, unfortunately, we can’t just yell out, “Alexa! Explain these emotions I am feeling for this random person that just came into my life.” That’s not how this works.

    Our life is a huge puzzle, made up of a thousand little pieces. We have a picture of what it is supposed to look like. We have all the equipment to get it done. But, we have to take our time, try out each individual piece and see how or where it fits in our lives. Sometimes it works perfectly, other times, we have to wait until we get further along before we can utilize it. Sometimes the edges are smooth and we can pick them up and put them down without a hitch. Others are razor sharp and cut us; but they still belong in there somewhere. And, in the end, when it is all said and done; and we have met those 10,000 people we are destined to meet; and done all the crazy things we are destined to do- we will have a complete picture of our life.

    That completed puzzle will have four corners holding it all together. And just like in our hearts, it is in those four corners where our four loves dwell. The empathetic love we have garnered over the years of experience will be in one corner. Those friendships we have built that have cried and laughed with us will be in another corner. And, in that third corner will be your person that your soul found. The one that made your heart beat fast; and calmed your nerves all at the same time. And in that last corner, the strongest corner of all, that starting pieces lies. And in this piece is the unconditional love of God.