Don’t Forget The Stuff We Never See

Last week, my aunt came over with my little cousins.  As most of you know, my house has two stories.  And, just like most little kids, my little cousin was completely fascinated by my stairs.  After several trips up and down the stairs, he asked if he could live with me.  Ya’ll know me by now, without hesitation, I started thinking of a way we could tell his loving mama that I was gonna be adopting him.  But then he said something that really stumped me for a minute.  He said, “I’m really jealous of you right now.”

Jealous of me?!!  This is something not one person who REALLY knows my story would ever say!  All he saw was my staircase to play on.  If he saw the whole story of how I got here in life, this poor kid would be anything but jealous!  He’s just a kid, and we can’t expect much more from him.  But I realized that there are times when us adults are jealous of what we see, when we don’t see the entire picture.

You see, he is looking at my life through innocent eyes.  He has no idea about the twenty years of hell with violence and instability my children and I endured day in and day out before we came here.  He sees a big house.  He doesn’t know about the times we didn’t have a home.  He thinks it’s cool we have a guest house.  He doesn’t remember when my entire family lived in someone else’s guest house and I slept on a couch next to the dining table for over a year so the kids could have their own rooms.

All too often, we act just like my little cousin.  We are blinded by the glitz and become envious without knowing the grime.  We see a fancy car; but don’t see the many hours that person spends away from their loved ones, missing out of special moments just to make the payments on a vehicle.  We see the glamorous pictures posted in far away places; but we don’t see the lonely hours spent away from their true love.

Nothing is as perfect as it seems from the outside.  We all have our own personal struggles.  Of course, it’s best to now air all your dirty laundry.  Not everyone needs to see it.  But, it is equally important to not forget it; even if we never see it.  Before we find our eyes green with envy, we need to make sure we look at everything through eyes filled with empathy for others’ struggles; and appreciate what we have, while being proud of what they’ve also accomplished.

I know that I am coming from a different place than most people can understand.  At the ripe old age of 38, I had to walk away from a home and career that I had spent 20 years of my life building.  I walked away with just 2 children, 1 cat, 1 dog, and a car full of clothes.  We had no towels, no beds, no pictures, no dishes, nothing.  So, as I began rebuilding everything back together, I learned to appreciate and hold on to every little thing I acquired.  This is probably why I am a little more sensitive to others’ struggles.  You see, every day, I would go to work (usually at 1 of 3 jobs), smile and laugh; without letting others know the struggles I was going through.  From the outside, I am sure people just thought, “Wow!  She’s a hustler!”  What they didn’t see was that I probably had $4 in my bank account, and needed to work all those jobs because I never received any child support or anything.  And, that’s okay.  Like I said, we don’t always have to share our dirty laundry.  But, we need to always assume that the perfectly-manicured woman we pass on the street, probably has a struggle in her heart too.  Let’s not be envious of the things she has acquired; instead, lets be sympathetic to the struggle she has hidden.

Jealous of me- how ironic that someone would dare be jealous of the girl with the craziest life ever possible!!  But, looking back at the life I had just a few years ago, I know that the girl I was back then, the one living hundreds of miles away from any friends or family, who never knew what she was going to come home to, who walked around on egg shells at all times, who cried herself to sleep most nights, or ran up and down the beach, everyday to avoid going home altogether, the girl who had no hope for the future, would be jealous of the girl I am now.  And that, my friends of the beauty of life-  the secret struggles make us who we are; and we always- always come out on the other end of the storm!!!

With the holidays around the corner, lets forget about the flashy things we see; and remember what we never see; lets put envy away and replace it with empathy.  Let’s remember that we never see the whole picture; and nothing is as perfect as it may seem.  Because nothing is as it seems; and chocolate makes everyday better; I’ve included a recipe for Millionaire Candy below.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL FROM THE COOL COUSIN WITH THE STAIRCASE!!!!

MILLIONAIRE CANDY (http://darcydiva.com/recipes-detail/millionaire-candy)

1 (14-ounce) package caramels

2 tablespoons evaporated milk or water

1 tsp. Vanilla Extract

1 tsp Almond Extract

2 cups Pecans (I don’t crush them up, I leave them whole)

1/2 bar paraffin

1 (12-ounce) package semi-sweet or milk chocolate Chips

Directions:

Butter waxed paper or foil-lined baking sheets. Set aside.

Melt caramels in milk over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add pecans. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto prepared baking sheets. Chill.

Melt paraffin and chocolate chips in small saucepan over low heat. Using a wooden pick, dip hardened candy pieces into chocolate and return to prepared baking sheet. Allow to dry at room temperature. Store in refrigerator, or in freezer.