The instant I mention any childhood books to my children, they immediately go to “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. I read to my children regularly and they always got a new book in their Christmas stash; but for some reason, this book stands out for both of them. So, of course it had to be the first book I would re-read in my Reading Rainbow series.
The Giving Tree explores the ever-changing relationship between a boy and a tree. What starts off as a simple and playful relationship becomes more complex as the boy grows and matures and his needs from the tree change. In the beginning, the boy wants nothing more than to play on the tree’s branches and sit under its shade; but as he grows, his needs from the tree grow too. The tree loves the boy so much, it will do anything to help him. He offered all his apples to the boy so that he could sell them for money. The tree allowed the boy to cut off all its branches so he could build a home for his family. And when there was little left, the tree offered its massive trunk to the boy to build a boat. Throughout the boy’s life, the tree was a constant source for the boy until the tree is left with nothing more than a stump to offer. And, in the end, a tree stump is all that the boy needed.
Some may think the story is one of a one-sided relationship of which the boy takes full advantage. But I disagree. The tree was happy to make each sacrifice for the boy. After all, the tree loved the little boy very much; just as a mother loves her child. As a mother, we don’t keep a tab of the sacrifices we make for our children. When we see a need they have, it makes us happy to be able to fulfill that need; just as its sacrifices made the tree happy. And the evolving relationship between the boy and tree in “The Giving Tree” is parallel to one between a mother and child.
In the beginning, all that a baby needs from its mother are the essentials: food and shelter and play. A baby immediately learns to rely on its mother for everything. Essentially, for the first formative years of its life, a mother is that child’s entire world. She is all it knows; and she provides all its needs.
But, just as the boy grew; so does every child and their needs change also. A child no longer comes to its mother for food and shelter. That child will now want to build its own life, outside the safety of its mother’s arms. But mothers don’t just turn their backs on their children at this point. We pivot and provide our children with the means to be independent and to thrive on their own. Just as the tree offers the boy its apples to sale, our mother offers its child the knowledge she has and the stepping stones for the child to form a path of their own. And while, it is bittersweet to watch your child leave the nest; it makes you happy to see them form a life of their own.
Just as the boy wanted to start his own family, a mother’s child will too. It is then that the mother can only offer her child her own branches from her family tree. The child will have to sort through the family tree; discard of toxic “branches” and build on to the stronger, sturdier branches. This is the point where toxic cycles will be acknowledged and family bonds are most at risk for being broken. But, if the relationship between a child and mother has been a constant and healthy one, it will sustain the child’s voyage into familyhood.
Life is exciting when you take that initial leap out of the nest and make it your own. You set out on this adventure thinking the world is your oyster, dreaming of how you are going to carve your own little notch and paint it red! But, over time, you can become overwhelmed by the outside influences; while simultaneously be underwhelmed by your own lost of creativity and individuality. You can lose your shine and become cumbersome. And even then, a good mother will be there to offer you an escape, an outlet, just as the tree offered the boy his trunk to build a boat and sail away.
In the end, none of it matters. The riches and losses, the highs and lows of a life lived don’t matter in the end. All that matters is the relationship that has maintained through every stage in life. And, just as the tree was proud to offer its stump for the boy to rest on; a mother will still be proud to offer up her lap for her “baby” to crawl into for a warm embrace and a moment of peace. In the end, the tree loved the boy. And the tree was happy. And if the day comes when a child comes back home as an adult seeking the comfort of his mother’s lap; she will offer her last bit of energy to her child. And the mom will be happy.
Lessons Learned From The Rainbow 