“Being on heroin feels like you have crawled into Jesus’ lap and he’s rocking you to sleep.” I was sitting in my apartment with all my friends, talking to a new guy we had just met. He was charming, rich, with interesting stories of growing up in Seattle, Washington and hosting a dinner for John McCain during his campaign. But he was also telling us how he had landed in the Mississippi Delta when his parents sent him to rehab in Hattiesburg in a last-ditch effort to get him as far away from heroin as possible.
Growing up in Belzoni, a small Mississippi town know for its catfish and many stop signs, heroin was completely foreign to me. I had only seen it on ABC after-school specials and had certainly never known anyone to try it. Yet, here was perfectly respectable looking guy, sitting in my living room, frankly telling us about the depth of his addiction and his family’s drastic attempt to rid him of his demons. He attended NA meetings multiple times a week and was so appreciative of his new release on life. Several months later, he totaled my friends car and nearly died after relapsing. The last we heard from him, his father was flying in to take him to another rehab facility far away.
This year has been the year of the Covid pandemic. You can’t turn the television or the radio on without it being mentioned. Heated arguments are ensued daily over the proper precautions to be taken. The pandemic is on everyone’s mines daily. While Covid 19 has definitely left a tragic impact on our world, the real pandemic is still only discussed in hushed tones, and only when triggered by family tragedy. No one wants to acknowledge it; certainly not publicly. And it is killing hundreds of thousands every year.
Opioid addiction is the real pandemic we need to be concerned about. According to CDC Reports, approximately 130 die from opioid overdose DAILY. With the recent nationwide mandatory shut-downs and short supply of medical care for many, over 40 states have seen an increase in its overdose deaths. The problem is being neglected and people from all walks of life and every social status are dying.
While I personally have never had an opioid addiction, I have loved many addicts. These people are not your stereotypical addict. These people are professionals, artists, church-goers, and entrepreneurs. If you were to pass them on the street, you would never know the demon that lies within. You would never know about their daily struggle.
I was fortunate enough to speak with an addict in recovery and an addict in active addiction. And, even though they are on two opposite spectrums of addiction, they both share the same experience and the same outlook and both want the same things- help and compassion. To keep respect their wishes, I will use an alias for their names.
Britney has been clean and sober for over two decades now. At the age of 13, an older cousin’s boyfriend bought her alcohol and her spiral into addiction began immediately. It wasn’t until after several failed marriages and two children later that she reached her rock bottom and decided to seek help. Now she spends her days helping her fellow addicts recover too. For her, it doesn’t matter how they recover (whether they use the old 12-step program or fancy rehabs with goat yoga in Malibu. For Britney, “Rock bottom was being tired of lying and hiding from my parents. I was depressed and tired of the pain I was causing myself and my family. I think if a person is ready, the type of facility doesn’t matter. But with that being said-you can get sober whether it cost $0.00 or $50,000 if you really want to.”
What “Britney” has seen throughout her years of recovery, is that addicts can look like any other person, because addiction can happen to anyone. “No one intends on becoming an addict but once addicted, it is really hard to stop and they will do anything to keep from having the withdrawals. Addiction can happen to anyone. People don’t become addicted on purpose. It starts out as just a little something fun or something “everyone” is doing or peer pressure. But once you become addicted (and you don’t know when that will happen) it is almost impossible to stop without help.”
On the other end of the spectrum is “Jason”, someone I know in active addiction. He may certainly tell you he’s clean on any given day. But, it is a lie. He will be dressed to the nines at all times. He will be clean-shaven without a hair out of place. But, he will swallow a handful of painkillers or shoot heroin in the bathroom throughout the day. He is deep in his addiction, always tethering that fine, often blurred line between functional and opioid abyss. But “Jason” agrees with “Britney”. “Addicts are sick. We don’t need jail. We need help.”
When asked if “Jason” has any regrets for what he has done to support his addiction, he only had one. “Being mean to my family during withdrawals. They were the only people that loved me and I lost them cause I was so mean.” He was not apologetic or regretful for the many lies he told or the money he has stolen from friends and family. He only regrets losing his family to drugs. But he still has his drugs, and he is okay with his life for now.
That is what addiction turns our loved ones into- walking zombies with no real emotions or connections to others. Just like the first heroin addict I met many years ago, an addict begins to equate the love of the high with that of Jesus. In an attempt to seek love and escape and understanding, they find themselves disillusioned with the real world and trapped within the confines of their drug of choice. All the while, we turn away from them, careful not to look them in the eye. To protect ourselves from violence or manipulation or distrust that comes along with loving an addict, we cut them off and throw them to the wolves to fend for themselves.
And we have no other choice in the matter. This is the way things have to be. You don’t want to admit that your loved one is a drug addict; and a drug addict in active addiction will take full advantage of that. As “Britney” said, “the addict is that good with lying and the family is in denial. Addicts will not stop using unless they have consequences that cause them pain. Pain is a great motivator. When the family member takes away their consequences thereby taking away the pain, they won’t stop using.”
At this point, the only thing we can do to really combat the damage opioid addiction has done to our nation, in to first acknowledge it. This should no longer be a dirty little secret kept within the confines of our home. Drug addiction is an issue that needs to be openly discussed with our children, and with each other. Without talking about it and learning about it, any war on drugs we conduct is redundant.
I believe it is safe to say that drug addiction has affected every household in America. Yet, it is still viewed as shameful and dirty for anyone that admits it. Until this issue is addressed openly and honestly and as passionately as Covid-19 has been in recent months, we will continue to see overdoses and broken families. September is Recovery Month. Let’s start it off with openly acknowledging the cries of help from those affected by addiction and seeking recovery.
Lessons Learned From The Rainbow 