From 2000 to 2017, there was a 147% increase in foster care entries due to parents’ drug use, according to a study published in the medical journal JAMA Pediatrics. The opioid crisis has taken its toll on so many aspects of the All-American Life, from marriages to employment rates. But the most devastating ruin of them all- is the life of the All-American kid. The truth is, these kids these days have no idea what life is supposed to be like. They don’t have the foundation we had. Their foundation is crumpled on the floor of a drug dealers house- a trap house.
As the opioids penetrated our families, more drug addictions crept in closely behind. This created a whole new version of co-parenting. After all- someone has to step up to take care of the babies. More than once, I myself have had to ask the same question, “Do I choose the addict or the babies?” I’m so happy that I always chose the latter. It’s a hard life for us “Modern-Day Step Parents”- as in, we were the ones to step up to the plate and handle things when the addict couldn’t. It’s often met with resentment from both parents and the children. You are, essentially, breaking up a family- no matter how toxic it may be. You are bound to lose a loved one while trying to save THEIR own loved ones being side casualties of their own addiction. The child often doesn’t see you as a super-hero that swept in and saved them. They will look at you as the villian that took them from their parents. And you did take them from their parents. They aren’t wrong in their assesment. And it may be years before they see you from as different perspective.
But, as with all things human, nothing is ever quite as it seems; and nothing is easy. This brings me back to the modern-day co-parenting. The term co-parent came about as divorce rates were on the rise and a father and mother had to navigate the best path for raising the children under two different roofs. Now, with the peak of the crisis, a new version of co-parenting has been created to benefit both the addict in recovery and their children. As the recovering addict reclaims the life they’ve lost to addiction, there’s a need to reconnect with the children they sacrificed for the next fix. And so the navigating and negotiations begin. Co-parenting has taken on a whole new meaning. In this case, you are not necessarily bickering with the ex about drop off times and holiday schedules. These post-opioid days often have the children with foster parents or “step parents” of friends or family members that have stepped up to take on your role as parent.
So, here we are. We are no different than millions of Americans. We are modern-day co-parenting. Days vary; but the issue is always the same- trust. A trust that is lost to addiction cannot be built back up on the same foundation. It is much deeper than that. A whole new foundation has to be carefully laid out and tended to delicately. Every word will be doubted; and every motive questioned. There’s no amount of apologies that can make it all better. It is what it is. If there is history between you and your children’s care-givers, there will more likely be a mutual desire to build a new relationship. If your children are with strangers, then the co-parenting is totally up to them. You are at their mercy.
Our co-parent once was a brother to both me and my husband. We each had on our individual bond with him. Then life changed. Addiction got deeper. Life got harder. Trust was broken. Children fell to the way-side. That’s when we assumed our roles as “step parents”. It hasn’t been easy; or close to anything I expected- for the good and bad. It’s been different. Life no longer looks the same. I have a whole new appreciation for both traditional and modern “step parents”. I have a deeper understanding of the struggles for a recovery addict. Trying to refrain from something your body is physically craving is hard enough. Having to face your failures head-on on a day-to-day basis is something I never want to experience. Yet, in order to survive and get thrive in the world sober- they must do both.
Trust- it is as fragile as an angel’s kiss; but as strong as an eagle’s wing. Once trust is built, a bond is formed that can withstand any hurricane. Once it is broken, it is lie a chipped piece of fine China. It may be mended; but it will never be the same. As long as it took to destroy, it takes twice as long to rebuild. And anything rebuilt is far more delicate than the original.
But isn’t it lovely? How beautiful it is to look at someone and know that they will never hurt you! When you can feel someone’s love for you by looking into their eyes, you never won’t to let that bond go. Knowing this, I most definitely believe that opioid addiction has to be the strongest hold ever imagined. Otherwise, no one would ever choice their addiction over that kind of bond.
Trust. Millions of children in our nation will never fully understand pure trust. Already, there was a sense of danger walking to the park to play; or even going to a friend’s house because of the exposure to mainstream media’s scare tactics and heightened drama used to boost ratings. But, now even the purest trust- the trust you have in your home is being lost. I’m afraid this nation will have to rebuild a whole new foundation for the All-American Life. The days of mom and dad raising their babies together; or as co-parents is fading away. While facing this crisis, new family units are being formed to include an array of people coming together to give the children some sort of consistent care.
While I can’t say, “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” because I most definitely wished it never had to be this way it all; I can say that we are all co-parenting as best as we can. We are lucky in that we all sincerely want what is best for the children. And we genuinely have a love for one another that is helping us rebuild. I realize our fortune and pray for all the “step parents” and children out there who will not be able to rebuild a foundation at all.
So where do we go from here as a nation? While steps are being taken to address the issue of addiction, the kids are still falling to the way-side. These children are growing up to be a generation of people who have no real sense of or value in trust. If you view others as untrustworthy, than you place no importance on being trustworthy yourself. Is this really how we want our future to be?
There’s no recipe for today’s blog. It is a tough subject that shouldn’t be sugar-coated.
Lessons Learned From The Rainbow 